OH NOOOOOOO!! SAY IT ISN'T SOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
OH LORD! WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN THE GADFLY??:
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) announced early Wednesday that she will not seek a fifth term in office.
The decision to bow out of the 2014 race was announced in a YouTube video on the congresswoman's website and on her Facebook page.
Although Bachmann didn't give an exact reason for her departure, she explained that an eight-year term in the House was enough.
It is a devastatingly sad day in Dirty-Fucking-Hippieville.
Shelly Bachmann's jarring public lunacy and unrestrained penchant for spouting some of the most ludicrous lies ever to flap forth from the lips of an American politician have truly been the mother of all gifts that keep on giving -- primarily for comedians and neophyte political bloggers such as yours truly - The Gadfly.
From the moment Crazy Shelly stepped on to the national stage with her televised star-crossed mugging of George W. Bush after a SOTU address, right up to the moment most recently when she was bragging like a giddy schoolgirl in a campaign video to her Minnesota constituents that she personally had engineered the 37th utterly futile GOP attempt to repeal Obamacare, Bachmann has been the ultimate comedic relief to the horrifying prospect that her pet project, The Tea Party, would ultimately complete their goal of hijacking the Republican party and appeal to a sufficient number of fellow deranged voters to actually succeed to any measurable extent at shaping national policy.
Fortunately for all of us - Shelly's Loony Toons views and daffy lies, while not bonkers enough to dissuade Iowa Straw Poll voters from selecting her in 2011 as their candidate of choice in the run-up to the 2012 GOP primaries, simply snowballed into such a farcical mess of idiocy and psychotic gobbledygook that even the GOP base eventually had to turn their prayerful hopes and eyes toward those other progenitors of sanity and truthfulness (Donald Trump, Herman Cain, Rick Perry, etc., lol) to be their saintly savior.
Nonetheless -- The Gadfly sincerely does wish to thank Crazy Shelly for her political service. It has been a helluva boisterous and laugh inducing ride -- one for the political and comedy ages.
Long live the girl with far away eyes: